Work Retire Die’s 2020 Awards
We have big plans for 2021 and are knocking on the door of taking over the Internet. Until then though, let’s look back on the year that was on Work Retire Die.
2020 AWARDS: WORK RETIRE DIE YEAR IN REVIEW
MOST READ BLOG: GOING TO WORK WITH A BLACK EYE
We started off 2020 by doing what we do best here at WRD headquarters — channelling pain and humiliation into award winning (self awarded) blog content. After I accidentally hit my nose on a stop sign after failing to execute the hilarious ‘pretend to hit your nose on a stop sign’ bit, I was forced to attend a week long work conference with my entire company with a gigantic scrape on my nose. Good luck explaining that 100+ times to every person you kind of know.
Honorable Mentions: The Most Wonderful Time of the Year — Working Between Thanksgiving and New Years; Power Ranking Christmas Figures by How Easily I Could Beat the Shit out of Them.
LEAST READ BLOG: WELCOME TO HIPPO WEEK
They’re not all winners my friends, but this one made me sad. Sure, this is a blog about work and postgrad life. Does that mean we can’t write 1500 words about hippos? Apparently so.
Honorable Mentions: Which Jersey Mike’s Employee Do I Want to Be My Friend the Most?
BEST VIDEO SERIES: CAMEO INTERVIEWS
This took up almost all of our money, but for a 2-month stretch this summer, I purchased Cameo videos from several D-list celebrities and then edited them together to look as if they were interviewing to be my personal assistant.
These videos led to the greatest moment in WRD history, when adult film artist Lisa Ann retweeted our video, which unfortunately led to about 100 porn fans following our account and DMing me weird stuff. We love all our followers but goddam guys.
Full videos below for your viewing leisure.
Beans from Even Stevens Interview
BEST VIDEO STARRING MY YOUNGER BROTHERS: MARCH MADNESS BRACKETOLOGY
This was also one of the least viewed videos in WRD history, but that’s mainly my fault (I insisted on a full one minute monologue at the beginning) and also isn’t really an ‘award.’ It’s actually pretty good once you skip the first minute or so.
BEST MERCH ITEM: WORK RETIRE DIE DAD HAT
This is strictly based on data, but this thing has been selling like hotcakes. It’s also a great hat to wear out in public. Every single cashier or waiter or whoever you encounter is guaranteed to look at it and say ‘Jesus Christ, that’s depressing huh.’
PS — use promo code 2021 for 21% off today only. Start the year off right.
Honorable Mentions: Work Retire Die Crew Neck Sweatshirt; Work Retire Die Crest Mug.
WORST MERCH ITEM: SUCKME SHIRT
This was a shirt that literally everyone told me was not a good idea at all and no one would buy. Turns out they were 100% right. Oh well, can’t win ’em all.
BEST HEADLINE: POWER RANKING THE CHRISTMAS FIGURES BY HOW EASILY I COULD BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THEM.
This also doubled as an easy way to plug my high school football highlight tape, so was a win-win all around.
Honorable Mentions: Interviewing is Like Dating with Less Sex; LinkedIn Stories Are Going to Ruin My Life.
BEST WORK BLOG: POWER MOVES TO PULL WHILE WORKING REMOTELY
This was a nice mix of useful and well, honestly it wasn’t that useful. Still a fun one though.
Honorable Mentions: The 10 Commandments of Corporate America; The Most Unlucky Things that Have Happened to Me at Work.
BEST QUARANTINE CONTENT: POWER RANKING THE 7 SHIRTS MY LITTLE BROTHER PACKED FOR QUARANTINE.
My moron brother Sam only packed 7 shirts for the entirety of quarantine. Two of them were the exact same shirt.
Honorable Mentions: Best Inventions Since Sliced Bread Bracket; How Quarantining with My Boyfriend Has Changed the Relationship
And now for the most coveted award….
WORST OVERALL BLOG: 2020 RESOLUTIONS TO MAKE YOU LESS OF A HORRIBLE PERSON
A real stinker. One of the laziest pieces of writing ever, and that’s saying something on this blog. The 5th resolution was literally ‘I couldn’t think of a fifth resolution.’
Honorable Mentions: What I Won’t Miss This Summer; What I’ll Miss About In Person Holiday Parties.
Have a safe New Year’s Eve and see you cats in 2021.
